Friday, August 2, 2013

The Final Word On: Everything Else

We've covered hooking up, dating, and body image in these last posts before the very end. Now here is everything else that I have to say about essentially everything else that matters - emphasis on "essentially."

  • The five items every woman should have in her closet are: a perfect black blazer, a hot red dress, jeans that still feel great after a giant meal, an over-sized white t-shirt that can be dressed up to look "formal", and a completely ridiculous pair of shoes. 
  • My favorite book is The Secret Garden and my favorite movie is Hook. I don't care that both of those works were created for kids under the age of 10. 
  • If you absolutely detest getting your hoo-ha Brazilian waxed every four weeks, stop. The world will still go 'round, as will your relationship. 
  • I would be more inclined to stay with a person who cheated on me by having random sex once than to stay with a person who developed an emotional relationship with another woman. 
  • If I wasn't a writer and I had an amazing voice, I would be a rock star. If I wasn't a writer and I had my current voice I would be a professional closet organizer. 
  • Last meal: a glass of my favorite red wine, a shoft-shelled crab as prepared by my Mommom, fried zucchini flowers as prepared by my Poppop, an entire avocado, and the butterscotch pudding from Jar in Los Angeles. 
  • I don't think there's a proper amount of time you should be together before you get engaged, but I now think there's a proper amount of time you should be engaged before you get married and that is three days. One to attempt plan a wedding, one to decide that is a futile task slash shop for a hot little white dress, and one more for a small group of your loved ones to get to Vegas ;)
  • Yes, I do think Hillary is going to run in 2016.
  • I have said "I love you" to exactly three men in my life (five if you're counting my Dad and my Poppop). One I am going to marry and the other two are going to be there that day.
  • I don't believe that leggings are pants, and I will not be convinced otherwise. 
  • New York City is the greatest city on earth followed by Florence, Italy. Los Angeles is my favorite place in the world to live, so far. I cannot believe I just admitted that, and I desperately hope it doesn't destroy my Manhattan karma - ugh that's such an L.A. thing to say!
  • The best Michael Jackson song is "Billie Jean" followed closely by "The Way You Make Me Feel." 
  • I don't believe in soul mates or even really the construct of modern marriage, and yet I firmly believe that R is the absolutely right person in the world for me and that we will be married for the rest of our lives.  
  • If I could steal anyone in Hollywood's face and clothing it would be Rachel Bilson. I would have taken her entire life but then Hart of Dixie happened, so...
  • Cheese, duh. If you know to what this "either or" refers, great. If you don't, don't worry about it.
  • The funniest joke I've heard in recent history is this - Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Get jalapeno business!
  • I don't think smoking pot is a deterrent to a healthy, stable adult life, unless it becomes a deterrent to a healthy, stable adult life. 
  • Apple, Pepsi, Pizza Hut, Miller Lite, and #TeamAniston (but only because I don't think Angelina Jolie is a real person). 
  • And finally: I do not in any way believe that 30 is the new 20. A. is just isn't and B. even if it was, I wouldn't want it to be. I'd gladly explain why in a TED TALK, but this woman Meg Jay already did. Much more on that next week...


  1. Cheese! Haha. Such a tough call...

  2. I can't thank you enough for sharing the TED talk by Meg Jay. Have been doing the "Life Crisis" since 22 and well on the path of "Gaining Identity Capital" (though never knew what to call this itching and growing understanding from within me) from the age of 24!

  3. PEPSI!? Wtf Jessie I thought I knew you!

  4. Just found your blog through, congrats on that. I wanted to comment because I feel instantly connected to you because The Secret Garden is my favorite book as well, and I have never met anyone else who feels this way.