Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Final Word On: Dating

This image is in no way relevant, it just cracked me up

The series continues as the clock counts further down...

Today: dating.

There was a time when this entire blog was centered on the topic of how to get dates, how to keep dating once you gotten a live one, and how to continue that dating pattern into a legitimate relationship. It wasn't until I actually completed that string of goals without following any of the advice I'd ever given anyone else that I decided to stop writing about dating quite so much. That said, I have some "bottom line" style opinions on the matter, and here they are.

  • If you're not sure whether or not you're dating someone, ask them. If you're afraid that asking them will ruin your chance of actually dating them, you're right - it will. 
  • There will come a time when you have to decide whether it's better to be lonely inside a relationship or outside a relationship. In other words - would you rather have a bad boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend? I can't answer that question. I've lived it both ways through my 20s. But I will say this, there are boyfriends out there who are not "bad" at all. I know it's scary to hold out for those, but I also know it's impossible to get them if you're dating some other jerk. 
  •  There is no definitive answer to the question of how long you should wait before you have sex. But from my dozens upon dozens of conversations on the topic I can tell you this, if the success of the relationship is relying on this issue, the relationship wasn't going to be successful.
  • Click here for what I believe to be the single greatest advice I've ever given on dating. Click here for what I believe to be a close second.
  • Be wary of people who say any of the following:
    • I don't talk on the phone. I only text.
    • I can't sleep in anyone elses' bed, so we have to stay at my place.
    • Nah. I haven't told any of my friends about us yet. 
    • I have this ex girlfriend/boyfriend who's completely obsessed with me.
    • Sorry but I can't get off any other way, so...
  •  I want to say something regarding on-and-off dating. I want to say that it's a bad sign about the stability of the future relationship or that it's indicative of issues or that it never turns out well, but I can point to too many stories that suggest otherwise. I will say this though: if you keep getting back together without figuring out what's going wrong every time you break up, you're going to keep breaking up. 
  • I support online dating. I've done online dating with some success, and I know people who've done online dating with ultimate success. But it is like anything else in the dating world - one way to meet people. Dating is a numbers game. Stack the odds in your favor. 
  • Meeting up with someone and their friends at a bar post 10PM is not a date. Call me old-fashioned. I take that as a compliment when it comes to dating. 
And finally
  • I don't believe that dating is not dead, and I'm not sure it ever will be. But if I'm wrong and dating "like we used to" ceases to exist, it will be because we let it. Every time we accept less out of our potential mates during that special time between meeting and making it official, less becomes accepted. It's nobody's fault, it's just human nature. We like to cut corners. I think it has something to do with the cave men. If you're fine with that, so be it. But if you want dating to be "more" than what you're experiencing, ask for it, require it, or wait for it to happen. I am not authorizing you to ask like a princess (whether you're a guy or girl). I'm just saying that it's okay to want someone to pick you up and take you to dinner so you can have a nice, long conversation in private.     

7 comments:

  1. I loved this post! Super helpful for a guy to get a level-headed female perspective on relationships.

    My head DID explode though when I got to the line 'I don't believe that dating is not dead', haha.

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