Thursday, October 11, 2012
This is NO Reason to Stay in a Relationship
I know I'm supposed to be writing my super important script all week, but I'm taking a break from that to share an important story slash message.
A few days ago I received an e-mail from a reader wondering whether or not to move on from a relationship. The details of her situation will of course remain private, but she mentioned something that made me wonder how many other people feel just like she feels.
The sentiment was (paraphrased) - "But I've been with him for X years...we've built so much...it seems foolish to throw it all away."
What came before the "But.." was, (paraphrased) "I'm unhappy...I'm not sure we're compatible...we've broken up several times."
I'm going to use stern words right now, but just pretend I'm saying then like a loving older sister and not some bitchy, know-it-all 2nd cousin.
Three years is absolutely nothing. It's nothing in the grand scheme of life. It's nothing as a TV show run. It's nothing in the history of a dog or a car or a cactus. And it is more certainly nothing in comparison to THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Yes, a relationship has been built, and that's very significant. Many people are married after three years together, and that's just fine. But if it's not working, it's not working, and no amount of time invested is worth the time you'll still have to invest if you decide to stay with this person and ultimately get married. 3 years is 1,095 days. 40 years is 14,600 days. Just because there's only one comma in each doesn't mean one isn't GIANT in comparison to the other.
BUT - more importantly - every year you remain in a relationship that isn't working is another year you're losing in finding a relationship that does work. So instead of thinking it as "time invested" that you don't want to waste, think of it as "time wasted" that you didn't properly invest.
I know being alone is scary. I know that what you know is much easier to understand than the great unknown that is attempting to find someone. But please, please, please don't make the only reason you stay in a relationship the amount of time you've already been in that relationship. NO amount of time is long enough to be miserable for any additional amount of time.
Okay. End Rant. Back to Act One, Scene 3 - Aime enlists Natasha and Pete to find Bram Higley, the man she's convinced she's going to marry!!