On Saturday morning around 10:00AM I took a Zumba class at 3rd Street Dance - the relic of a dance studio two blocks from my new apartment.
On Saturday morning around 11:05AM I decided to write this blog post.
See, here's the thing...s. I hate to exercise, in the traditional sense. I was never an athlete, and I didn't belong to a gym until I was about 25-years-old. Because of these two fact combined, I don't exactly know what to do inside a gym. I know elliptical, I know treadmill, I know that machine that makes your legs go UpUpUp, and I know that I hate them all. I get bored. I get tired. I get hurty in weird places, likely because I'm using the machine wrong. I'm also pretty inclined to give up if I've decided going on is too annoying/tiring/hurty. Sometimes I do take traditional exercise classes like "Spin" or "Step" as a way to shame myself into not stopping, but I'm not particularly good at riding a bike or marching up and down stairs, so my participation is short and embarassingly-lived.
Then I found Zumba.
To best understand the nature of Zumba and the effects it can have on your abs, I recommend watching the below video:
Note: I have never and will never wear those pants, despite my affection for this dance craze.
Now, things you should know about me in relation to this discovery:
- I took dance classes from age 3 to age 18.
- I have seen STEP UP more times than I have seen STAR WARS.
- Sometimes when I'm sad, I YouTube videos of my favorite routines from So You Think You Can Dance (or, as I call it...out loud, S-Y-T-Y-C-D)
- If you are a beat - no matter how low or faint - I will find you, and I will dance to you with all my might.
- Honorable mention: I believe - perhaps falsely - that I have both Latin American and African American flavor to my dance style slash person.
Things you should know about Zumba - if you have not already been indoctrinated into the cult:
- It is like that scene in SHE'S ALL THAT where the whole prom breaks into a crazy-fun dance routine except "the whole prom" is "the whole room full of middle-aged women" and there's a really good-looking man named Raul teaching you the dance moves.
- You will sweat like whoa but you will not notice that it's happening because you'll be having so much fun dancing to LMFAO.
- You will not quite know what you're doing as Raul walks you through the moves to each individual song (a typical hour-long class features about 8-10 songs of varying length, and it's one dance "routine" per song), but that won't matter because no one really knows, and it's just as much fun if you do your own dance moves.
- Which, speaking of, there will be an opportunity in several of the songs to "freestyle" (do your own dance moves), and this moment will represent the greatest joy you've felt in weeks (outside of other more obvious moments of sheer joy...).
- When it comes to the point where Raul makes you do this dance move that is curiously like fast-paced leg lunges, you won't hate him like you've hated actual exercise instructors who've made you do painful leg lunges because Raul puts a Selena song on and makes everyone sing along as they lunge. Ugh she was too young...
- There are only so many environments where shimmying your shoulders to make your boobies jiggle is considered an exercise move. This is one of them, and that fact should not be underestimated.
- See above, replace "shimmying your shoulders" with shimmying your booty. Delight.
Please report back.