Friday, September 16, 2011
Is it ok to date someone you know you'll eventually break up with?
This is one of those questions that I've always thought about but never put to blog post.
Say you're just out of a long-term relationship, or say it's been years since your last legit relationship, or say your Mom is more on your case about the fact that she thinks you're a lesbian than she's ever been before. Whatever the circumstance, you want a boyfriend - not a husband, not a bleep buddy - the goal is a man on your arm/at you dinner table/with you for your friend's birthday party.
So you find yourself a boyfriend. Maybe you meet him casually through some friends. Maybe you meet him online. Doesn't matter. God grants a miracle and you end up with someone who you want to be your boyfriend...for now.
The "for now" is where today's question comes in.
See, you like this guy. You and this guy have fun. You are not afraid to introduce this guy to your friends. Buuut, deep down you know it isn't going anywhere. There's just something about him or you two as a couple that doesn't have long-term potential. I won't start to list things because that will only prove how shallow my mind can be. For purposes of this conversation let's just say he 100% doesn't want kids and you 100% do. Fine.
Now the question is - is it wrong to date him? You know you're eventually going to break up. Does that mean you're leading him on? Does that mean you're lying about your real feelings? I mean, you like him right now, there's no doubt about that. Right now you are a good/fun/happy couple. At what point are you doing the "wrong thing" - if ever? When you find out how much he likes you? After the very important (according to me) 3-month mark?
I actually don't know the answer. This is partly because I've done the "expiration dating" thing so I fiercely defend an individual's right to enjoy a relationship for the sake of enjoying a relationship, not for the sake of marriage. That said I've also been expiration dated, and it doesn't feel nice when someone dumps you after month five because they always knew they weren't interested in month eleven.
So what say you, my Internet peanut gallery. Is it never right? Is it always fine, to a point? Or is there more to this whole ordeal then I have time to figure out on a Friday morning?