As you may have noticed, I didn't write any blog posts last week - not a' one - not even a round up of stuff from the Internet, which is my standard move when I don't have time for real thought.
There are a number of reasons for this:
- I'm currently producing a daily web series at work that shoots every night. Since I'm still responsible for my day-to-day job, my new work hours are 9:30am to 9:30pm
- I decided last Thursday to apply to a writer's program that required a spec script and personal essay due last Wednesday (word to the wise: don't do this, or if you do, don't ask your boyfriend to edit it).
- I need to eat meals.
- I am in a relationship that I enjoy.
- I come very close to hitting other cars if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep per night.
The real reason I didn't post any blog posts last week is because I decided not to. I decided the "perfect" record of twice to thrice-weekly blog posts wasn't worth it. "It" being my job, health, sanity, and/or relationship.
Every once in awhile I see myself becoming one of those people more married to their work than their life. I am dangerously ambitious and even more dangerously obsessed with perfection. And 8 + months ago I moved to a place that rewards hustle sometimes even more than it rewards talent.
Interestingly enough the reason I didn't move to this place until 8 + months ago is because I was afraid of what a person like me could become in a world like this. Dramatic? Yes. But true? Double yes.
The minute I moved here I realized I was going to have to do a bit of "saving myself from myself" - that difficult process of preventing the instincts of your immediate self from sabotaging the needs of your long-term self. Blowing off your loving boyfriend so you can become a famous writer faster. Rooting your friendships in need and convenience versus connection and loyalty. Eating like shit and not sleeping enough to maximize your daily working hours. It's the 20-something, go-getter way. Go, go, go now. You'll sleep when you're successful slash dead.
The closer to "grown up" I get the more I realize that while most of that is rooted in your "nature" - some people, me included, are just built to behave this way - it can become equal parts habit - we allow our nature to win out over our sense.
I decided it would be wise to start reversing my habit of putting my writing (this blog specifically) before everything else in my life. Because a. this is just a little blog that I write for free (so far!) but b. I think 27 is a good age to start developing some standards about work/life balance to stick by.
Oh, you hadn't noticed that I didn't post any new posts last week?
Never mind then.
Never mind then.