Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I can handle being disappointed. Why can't you handle disappointing me?
Disclaimer: this post has no relevance to my current life. In fact I have, as of late, been the opposite of disappointed. I just wish I could say the same for some friends slash acquaintances - hence this post.
Have you ever been disappointed? And (though this is probably a given) I mean because of a relationship issue.
Not like someone didn't call back after they said they would or blew you off for two complete weeks or canceled plans without any explanation. Those moves result in stark-raving, pissed-off, confused, hurt, and angry.
I'm talking what happens when you're seeing someone for a few weeks slash months, think it's going really well, want it to keep going really well, but then one day lob a "want to do Mexican Thursday night?" he says, "Actually, I need to talk to you about something..." and three hours later you're on the couch of whatever friend picked up first drinking whatever alcohol they had available.
That kind of disappointed. The, uuggh that suuucksss I thought I was donnneee kind.
Right. We all have.
So when they happened did you die? Like did you drop dead of disappointment? Or get really, really sick (outside of the post-sob-fest-hangover)? Did you - like - throw up with disappointment? Like he said, "I don't think this is going to work out..." and in reaction you threw up all over him? Or maybe you had a full-on temper tantrum? Like threw yourself on the floor in a fit of upset screaming NO, NO, NO! while grabbing onto his leg? Oooh, and then did you hit him? Like punch him a lot and maybe scratch his face a little and then five minutes in realize you fight like a girl and just start crying and begging (again on the floor holding onto the leg)?? This of course all proceeding the two weeks you spent postering every neighborhood he's ever been in with Kinkos-printed posters of his face reading DICK.
Right. No. Of course you didn't, because you are an adult who received some disappointing information.
Maayybbee you did some things you might take back upon instant-replay of the ordeal - asked why? more than once...tried to talk him out of it...pretended like you were totally going to break up with him during the same conversation (which, if that's going to be your move I advise against blurting out whatever break-up line he deals like a 6-year-old playing copycat). But I'm going to venture to guess you did not behave in any of the above ridiculous manners befitting of a child being told it's time to go to bed before Step by Step comes on.
You can handle being disappointed. We all can.
So then why are people SO terrified of delivering the news that results in that disappointment?
I have know guys and girl who've stayed in dead-end relationships with people they don't like for 6 plus months because they're too terrified to have a difficult 5-minute conversation. Then there are the people who resort to an e-mail break-up after a year of dating because they can't bare the thought of doing it in person. Or the real winners - people who are so unhappy in a relationship they can't find the courage to end that they just start seeing someone else. I know!!-she'll-find-out-I'm- cheating-and-then-end-it-with-me people.
I'm going to venture to guess that never in the history of a break up has someone dropped dead, passed out or (and please correct me if I'm wrong because I'd LOVE to hear that story...) thrown up on the spot.
I'd also put money on the fact that if one was to get slapped and/or made famous by a couple hundred telephone pole postings, it would be because they didn't have the a-heems to do it like a man.
So - long rant short - could you please just disappointment us. Make it fast and quick. You can even lie if you want and say it's not us, it's you and you're really, really busy right now, and your last girlfriend destroyed you. I don't care. Just get it over with in a manner befitting of our relationship instead of dragging us through some thing you know has no future because you're afraid I'm going to gouge your eyes out if you tell me we're not going to get married.
I'm telling you, we can handle it.