As a result of the competitive dating scene, my gay friends tend to be much more direct than my straight friends. When they are flirting they are WORKING IT.
There is no time wasted and no glance ignored. Flirting is done with a purpose: to attract a man, to reel him in, and leave him begging for more.
Watching my gay friends in action has caused me to evaluate straight flirting methods and realize some serious mistakes we as women tend to make!
1 – We make excuses to hide the fact that we are flirting.
When we are at a bar, spot a cute guy, and make any form of communication with him, then we are FLIRTING.
We’re NOT “Just having fun” or having a “night out with the girls.” If we really wanted some good, clean, girly fun, then we’d be at the gay clubs!
Excuses like these ultimately just give us a reason not to go for it and smile at the cute guy. And what’s the point in that?
Cruising is a lot of fun, and can also be a great bonding experience for girlfriends, but at the end of the night it’s still CRUISING. We’re still looking for someone special to buy us a drink, laugh at our jokes, ask for our number, and call the next day!
2 – We lie to ourselves about attraction to male “friends.”
How often have we said, or heard a friend say, “Nothing would ever happen between me and Joe, he’s like my brother!” Then one night after a few drinks… something does happen, and it’s not very brotherly.
I’m dubious about friendships between straight men and women, but if they do exist then both parties have to be 100% honest with themselves. If we are “friends” with a guy, and not completely disgusted at the idea of making out with him, then we’re probably interested in him a little bit. And, without even thinking about it, we’re probably also flirting with him.
A good rule of thumb on this one is: "If my boyfriend had a female friend, and she was acting this way, would I be even the tiniest bit annoyed?" If the answer is yes, then you are F-L-I-R-T-I-N-G!
There’s nothing wrong with this, but we need to accept that he is more than just a friend. There are plenty of people you can be friends with, but potential lovers do not fall into this category. For a million reasons including: you could get hurt, he could get hurt, you could both end up hurting a third party.
Gay men in general do not play this little game. I assume it’s because it makes life too darn confusing, but that’s just a guess.
3 – We fail to embrace awkward.
Putting ourselves “out there” is awkward and uncomfortable... DUH!
When we put ourselves in a situation where we could potentially be hurt, we don’t want to expose too much too fast. We want to seem as “normal” as possible so nobody can figure out there is something wrong with us and leave.
To avoid potential embarrassment, we text instead of call, we check our blackberries at the bar, and we basically make ourselves less approachable in an effort to seem less awkward.
But the thing is, awkward is normal! Gay men often appear extremely confident, but it isn’t about breezing their way through every conversation, text, and email. Confidence is knowing that being nervous, wanting to make a good impression, and a gut-wrenching sense of self-doubt is perfectly normal!
When we are flirting, we need to break down our walls and FOCUS. We need to flirt with a purpose, if we succeed then great and if we fail then oh well. The point is to be honest with ourselves and with the men around us. Mixed signals are annoying... and SO last season.
For more pearls of wisdom, check out www.meetmygay.com – Tales From a Straight Girl in a Gay World!