Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Gchat for thought. Phone calls: chivalry or pleated pants

Last Wednesday, 2:30pm, ghat:
question for you
and id like your reaction
me: ok
Chris: "i think the young culture has gotten to a point where calling has become chivalrous"
me: agree
Chris: kind of awful
me: really, really awful
but really true
Chris: has calling become a turn-off?
me: no
I think it's become an easy way to really show someone you care
Chris: but it's not a turnoff?
me: not for me
Chris: in the age of flings and detachment, isnt it too formal?
me: but girls aren't all the same
And I'd prefer the age of flings and detachment end
Chris: ha, praise the gospel sister
me: so if I called a guy
and that annoyed him a ton
I'd stop seeing him
and if you call a girl
and she's like, "ew why is he calling me"
she's a bitch
Chris: yeah
i think people equate calling with pleated pants
me: HAHA
that's so fucking sad
Chris: they both exist, and some people use them both, but mostly just older people out of touch with style
me: well I'm fighting that
I feel like this calls for one of those SNL Weekend Update segments where they go really?! REALLY?! Calling someone on the phone is a turn-off?! REALLY?!!?!
That aside, this is a moment for learning. 
Sometimes in order to understand the random crap details of dating you have to reverse into things.  Instead of, "should I make X move" or "should I make Y gesture" it's if I make X move or Y gesture and the person is turned off, what does that say about the person I'm pursuing. 
Applied to this issue that would read as, "if I decide to call the girl I'm interested in dating versus just text her and she's totally turned off by that, what does that mean?"
It means one of two things.  She is a sad, strange woman who's lost all ability to talk on the phone or she's not into you.  Call me harsh, but there's not a WORLD in which someone should say, "I was really liking him but then he called me.  Like on the phone. I mean, can we say dealbreaker??"
Same applies the other way around.  If you're calling a guy incessantly and he's calling you back a tad less, fine. He's a guy.  They don't love the phone, as discussed.  But if you're calling a guy every so often and he's exclusively texting you back, weird/rude.  And if a guy ever says to you, "I think talking on the phone is out-dated," run. 
It's the phone people.  Think of it like having a conversation in person except with technology that allows you to be in two different places.
Is talking on the phone antiquated? Yes.  Does that mean doing it has turned into a turn-off? I'm going to say no.  Really no.  Please please please really no.

*it's Blondie because she sang "Call Me."


  1. Let's talk less about using the phone is chivalry and more about what has happened to proper capitalization and grammar in gmail chats.

  2. Lets not use blogs and gchats as the standard bearer for grammar and capitolization and maybe we won't be so snarky at 9:21AM. The New Yorker is available at every newsstand as an alternative...

    I agree the phone game has changed entirely, but no rule book has been updated. I also agree it's a really simple way to show you care--and venture that a month's worth of texting back and forth is a good way to show you're just not that into someone. But after recently ending a string of texts because I took the 160 as a sign the guy wasn't that interested, I got a message asking if he'd done something wrong and why I'd gone silent.

    But I got that message via gmail, though, so...

  3. I honestly get annoyed when a guy texts to set up a date or tries to have a full conversation via text. If you're actually interested in me, I deserve an actual real phone call.

  4. This whole sitch makes me really, really sad. I think I'm learning that I'm more old-fashioned than most of my fellow daters in NYC.

    I think I can blame my ex - he used to send he hand-written letters for no reason at all. The first time I got one I was like, what the fuck is this? And then I melted into a puddle and was like OMG this is the sweetest thing ever.

    That said, I also love random e-mails and text messages. Those things are not to be pushed aside as not chivalrous or romantic, because they certainly can be ways of letting the other person know you care about him/her. But I hate to think that people of our generation are totally shying away from making/taking phone calls for whatever reason.

    As a single girl trying to find my own way in the huge/overwhelming/sometimes depressing dating world in NYC, I have to cling desperately to the belief that there are young people out there who still value romance, love, and for Christ's sake the fucking telephone.

  5. M, did you honestly just use the word "sitch"?


  6. love that i didn't the need the caption to get the photo connection- great call on that one Jessie

  7. Oh, Bob. You have no idea.

    Now CTFD and STFU and stop using all caps.

  8. J - love the Blondie reference, but in an nod to senior year I would have prefered the ever so popular "Call on Me" ;)