Let's take this week's theme one awkward step forward.
Would you rather date someone who's divorced
or someone who has an illegitimate child?
To be clear.
The someone who's divorced was married but is no longer. Doesn't matter how long they were married or why they got divorced. They have an ex person (wife or husband) who is somewhat in their life.
The someone who has an illegitimate child was never married to the child's other parent. Maybe they dated for awhile. Maybe they never dated. What's important here is that this child is in this person's life -- visitation rights, child support, birthday presents.
Apologies up front for positioning both of these issues as a problem, but I think we can all acknowledge they're not ideal and as such debatable.
So -- things to consider:
The divorced person got all the way married. Dated someone for a presumably long time. Proposed to said person or accepted a proposal. Endured months of wedding planning and then walked down or stood at the end of an aisle and said "I do." I realize these things can carry you away. I also realize that things happen that are beyond your control (cheating primary among them) that make divorce a smart option.
Did the now divorced person "make a mistake?" Not necessarily. They may have fully believed this person was the right person and been proven wrong by unknown circumstances. But maybe they did make a mistake. Married for the wrong reasons? Married too young? Who knows.
Now the illegit parent is a totally different situation. This person had sex that resulted in a child. Was the sex with someone they loved but decided they don't want to marry? Maybe. Was the sex with someone they barely knew? Could have been.
People get pregnant, have children, and never even notify the other parent. In this circumstance, no matter what the relation of the two people before baby was born, this parent was notified and is now responsible. As such they are involved. They have a child. They always will.
What's interesting about this is that it's actually easier to find yourself with an illegit child than it is to find yourself married. That's a -- technically speaking -- easier mistake to make. And yet it results in someone far more difficult and lasting. An ex wife or husband is awkward and complicated and sometimes expensive, but you don't have to deal with them in the same way you do a kid.
And then you have to layer in the fact that there are value systems involved here. If someone has a kid out of wedlock that means they chose not to abort the pregnancy. Whether the person is a woman and personally made that choice or the person is a man and supported that choice -- it was made. On the divorced side -- the person decided to get divorced. Maybe there was absolutely no saving the marriage. Maybe there was a failed attempt. Maybe there was no effort involved. Either way -- there was a choice, in both circumstances.
Loaded questions for a loaded issue -- one (or both...) of which was maybe the fault of really loaded people.
Which would you choose?