Monday, August 25, 2008

Why Girls Go For Assholes


By very popular demand – an expose on the age-old question of why girls go for assholes. A fact everyone acknowledges but no one understands -- sort of the like the solar system.

The below attempts to explain why girls respond to assholes in social settings. It does not address why girls stay in relationships with assholes that treat them terribly. That’s for Oprah to handle.

Below are current theories, thanks to the help of The Board - and my first year out of college

  • The "Strong Man" Theory


  • Ask a girl if girls always go for assholes and they’ll say, nooo we do not! Ask a guy and they’ll say, yeah, what the fuck is with that?! So the first issue may in fact be that girls don’t know an asshole when they see one while guys can spot a member of the doucheoise from his FB profile picture. A helpful guide identifying areas of confusion:

    - Arrogance - masquerades as confidence
    - Sleaze – can look, at first glance, like charm
    - Chronic competitiveness – may appear as strength
    - Lying cheater – often posing as an amazing guy

    Yes society has drawn a fine line between what a man is supposed to be: successful, strong, and commanding and what an asshole usually is: a consescending, not-nice braggart. In the female’s evolutionarily-driven search for the manliest man she can find, pieces of asshole are bound to slip in. It’s chafes to argue that our attraction to guy-burping-Alphabet is based in our belief he will best provide for our bear cubs, but apparently that’s (a piece of) what’s up.

    So where are those shining examples of kindness, respect, and chivalry with that hot element of edginess we all want? Not hanging out with assholes (and the girls who adore them). Right.


  • The Low Attention / No Attention Theory
    A variation on the low wages is better than no wages theory. For some girls negative attention is better than no attention at all. When starved for contact, some may take whatever appears to be presenting itself – positive or negative. So if, “I see you’re one of those always-on-a-diet girls that just drinks vodka soda’s huh? (wink)” is the first “line” you’ve heard in months – it may sound to you like, “hey, let me buy you that delicious-looking drink. Mmmmm vodka – my kinda girl. My name is Matt, by the way.”

    Yes, insults are some guys’ way of flirting. No, they are never, ever great guys. Think of all the greatest guys you know. Envision them insulting a girl to get her attention. Right. Playful and insulting are two very different things. Now the next time some guy says to you, “nice dance moves – is that your best impression of Elaine?” and your first thought is, mmmm who’s this hottie??…please instead turn to him, say, “disrespect will get you no where!” (finger-pointing optional) and walk yourself to the nearest therapist.


  • Girls Like A Challenge (fact, not theory)
    Emily put it best. “As cliche as it is, there's something about the whole thrill of the challenge.”

    Weak girls go for assholes because they like the attention in any form. Strong girls go for assholes because they like the game in any form. It makes us feel powerful, competitive, and equal - even if, and sometimes more-so if, we don't want him. It is admittedly always fun to have to work for it – to take part in that delicate tango of whit and banter that signifies this person wants to play and is probably good in bed (I don’t know why we assume this, but we do). Again, evolution -- that whole chase thing.

    Where we get into trouble is if our competitiveness outweighs our logic. When we want to win for winnings sake but forget to consider what we’re winning. It’s this mentality that leads to regretful mornings and very large stuffed animals you have to carry around the park for the rest of the day.

    In this scenario girls are foolish, but well-intentioned.

  • The Only-I-Can-Break-Him slash Our Own Secret World Theory
    At its core: girls like to solve problems because it makes us feel good, look impressive, and have a stack of “solutions” indebted to us. Applied to assholes: if he’s an asshole he has problems and needs reform. If I can help him reform I’ll a. prove he really really likes me (worth it’s weight in gold slash abuse) and b. make him indebted to me and my Dr. Drew-like ways. All I have to do is work to unlock his potential and then fix him so he sees non-asshole behavior is better than asshole behavior and will love me forever. Says one board member, “And if he chooses to not be an asshole only to me (even for short periods of time), I feel like I have something he gives no one else. So in turn, he must see something in me that is unique, and so we are even further bonded.”

    So it has nothing really to do with the asshole and everything to do with the girl. Yes it is evidence of all sorts of issues, but that’s not what this post is about.

    Emily adds the clincher, “It’s because it's dramatic. It's an epic love story in which emotions are torrid and for awhile it seems as though in the end everything will work out. Except it never does.”

    In this scenario girls are sick, but you can at least follow the logic – if you’re a girl.
Remaining issues:
  • Sometimes girls just want to get laid and assholes are really easy to figure out/go home with
  • Further, Really drunk girls will go for most guys. Get in there
  • And there are actually instances where we all huddle up, pick an asshole, and have a little fun messing with him for the greater good of humanity. Sorry if this is confusing. We'll work on some sort of hand signal for, "I'm actually in a relationship but just fucking with this asshole so he won't ruin the night for my single friends. Apologies for any confusion."


One could make the argument that if girls stopped responding to assholes then guys would stop behaving like assholes but that’s a. never going to happen and b. would make it even harder to find the diamonds in the drunk. Sort of like if all guys wore uniforms. Convenient, but then how could you tell who's wardrobe consists of concert T's?

52 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. "girls are sick" - her last sentence says it all. Coming to terms with this (as a nice guy) will make you understand why you've been treated so badly by women all your life.

      Like the author, women try to make it seem like dating assholes is just a part-time solution for certain situations....a complete lie. Women are ALWAYS dating assholes and looking for assholes on a regular basis while simultaneously being rude and disrespectful to any and all nice guys that try to hit on her.

      All nice guys will back this up.

      Delete
  2. Great read. Wish there was more research on this subject but I guess we will have to take a bloggers perspective as the most creditable source.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do your own research (if you are a guy). Go walk around your town and be 'nice' and 'polite' and see how far it gets you with women. Then go walk around your town and be a complete asshole.

      The results will speak for themselves. Every time.

      Delete
  3. Some girls ARE assholes. It goes both ways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you^ As a matter of fact this goes both ways

      Delete
    2. No, ALL girls are assholes, but only some men are. And the male assholes are getting laid all the time, while you ( a nice guy ) get treated like you're a disease.

      The biggest obstacle a nice guy has to overcome is the following: women are liars. As a nice (innocent) guy who is honest and moral, it's very difficult for us to come to terms with the fact that women can lie all day long like it's the most natural thing in the world.

      Once you realize how full of shit women are, you can handle women so much easier and not have to be treated like you're a disease anymore.

      Delete
    3. Paul,I'm afraid that you are indeed an asshole, although a slightly different variety than the ones being discussed here. Either you are a msogynist

      Delete
  4. This is really fantastic! I have a blog similar to yours, and we are currently discussing this topic. I was doing some research to see what others have written about the great asshole debate and your post is by far the most comprehensive! I agree with everything you've said. For my blog, I've written my own perspective on this topic which will be posted in a few days. I am going to post a link to this site/article on my blog because I think it is BANG on!!! Awesome work! I'm off to read some more of your stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only research any nice guy needs....

      Go walk around your town one day and be a nice guy to women. You will be completely ignored.

      Go walk around your town the next day and be an asshole. Women will talk to you, flirt with you,and give you their number.

      Rinse and repeat (but only the asshole part).

      Women will say this is a lie....but meanwhile you will be getting laid on a regular basis for the first time in your life.

      Delete
  5. Assholes are witty and charming. That's why they go for us. We hate everything they hate, and are otherwise sarcastic toward everything else. What's not to love?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i dont think this relates to the witty and charming assholes that can show confidence and make a girl laugh. this is more about the dudes who can impress a girl with charm and ACT like someone she likes but overall will only be into it for the sex and not really give a shit about any part of her that a penis can't go into.

      Delete
    2. Female brain = complete insanity.

      Male brain = logic.

      Female brain = Date an asshole who gets me pregnant, treats me like shit, and then leaves me.

      Male brain = Find a wonderful woman to have an amazing relationship with so that we have a happy life together and support each other for the rest of our days.

      Delete
  6. only your hair, douglas, only your hair.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't get why us girls have such a strong attraction to assholes. I mean they ignore us, play us, lie, and are so rude that we think they're joking. Why can't we ever wake up from this and go for the good guys? Oh yea. It's cause we're shallow bitches who'll go for the cuter asshole than the uglier amazing guy. I wish i wasn't like that :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women are insane....plain and simple. On top of that, American society as made women ever more disgusting than they've ever been in the history of mankind.

      There is your explanation, dear.

      Delete
  8. Good guys are avoided because they're probably much, much worse than the assholes who put it all out on the table. Good guys essentially pretend to be nice and tell you they love you etc. etc. eventually tricking you into sleeping with them.

    Assholes don't do that; they know what they want and won't sugar coat it. Take them or leave them, they don't care because someone else will if you don't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah...keep telling yourself that you insane, piece of garbage female.

      Delete
    2. If you think that "good guys" are pretending to be nice, then fuck you. You deserve every type of mental abuse that your beloved asshole guys will give you.

      Delete
  9. Or maybe
    just maybe
    there are guys out there who like a girl and want to treat her nice.
    Some people have moral values. Maybe they don't want to be an asshole.
    Maybe some guys just want to show a little compassion and have a little sent back their own way for once. Maybe it isn't even about sex.

    But oh well. Fuck it. Nice guys finish last and that's a fact. So fuck it.

    But ladies, if you go for an asshole and then complain about it, you're a stupid bitch and you deserve to feel the same way you make all those "nice guys" feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's exactly it....nice guys finish last and assholes get laid. Women spend their whole life dating assholes and making nice guys pay for it.

      Us nice guy spend our lives dreaming about having a wonderful, loving relationship with a good woman....meanwhile all we get are shitty attitudes from women who want nothing to do with us because they're too busy pursuing the asshole who treats them like shit.

      This is who women are....as horrible as it is, accepting this is the only way a nice guy ever makes any progress on the dating horizon.

      Delete
  10. I'm one of those "nice guys" according to definition. I was raised to respect women and instilled with good morals. My dad taught me how to act like a man and I just simply followed his directions. Being a nice guy hasn't really gotten me to far as far as relationships go, surprising, right? I sometimes think to myself,"if I were only more of an asshole people wouldn't use and take advantage of me all the time", but I can't bring myself to change who I am. All I can hope for is that the "right girl" comes along someday who, (who actually appreciates kind gestures, honesty, steadfast commitment, etc.), and realizes that love shouldn't have to be a complex string of drama. Seriously love should come naturally, if people would just be themselves and let their heart do the judging, (not only the eyes, or their friends) love will (eventually) find you. I am a very confident person, that doesn't mean I strut when I walk, or am obnoxious, or any of the other cocky aspects of the seemingly "confident man". I simply go about my daily business not over thinking about how I look or act, I have no problem telling a lady when I think she looks nice, or asking a girl on a date. It seems unfortunate that women tend to lean towards guys with an asshole type personality because those nice guys tend to get tired of waiting for the right girl and settle for someone that they really aren't happy with and end up being with them for a long time because they don't have the capability of pushing someone away that they themselves once accepted. -Just my thoughts anyhow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like you are slowly waking up. Your father is correct, that you should be polite and respectful throughout the day. Unfortunately, this does NOT, nor will it EVER, apply to dating.

      When dating, you have to leave common sense at the door and turn into a complete asshole, otherwise no woman will ever give you a second thought. And don't feel bad, that woman you're trying to ask out has been manipulating and stealing from 'nice guys' her whole life. And you will be her next victim unless you call her out on all of her bullshit.

      Delete
  11. Men suck all together. And yes woman can be weak. I know, because I am one those weak ones. I tell people how I feel and then get upset when they don't like me back. pathetic? most likely. Depression and anxiety order? Definatly. When we have low self esteem and confidence we tend to like who pays attention to us. And then you let yourself get to comforatable with that person and you ruin anything you could of had. Viscious circle. But for me I know one day I will meet the right man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women suck all together. You are piece of shit who date assholes and then try to take out your problems on any nice guy who tries to come up and talk to you.

      You are ALL the same. You date asshole men your whole life, then use that to justify saying that 'all men are pigs'. Fuck you, all men are NOT pigs, only the ones you date are pigs. Try giving a nice guy a chance for once you piece of garbage.

      Delete
  12. Women piss me off when they say men are assholes, when in the long run that decent bloke in their life they completely bypassed them to be with some stuck up arrogant prick! girls are stupid FFS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly....women spend their time dating assholes, then try to take it out on you (the nice guy) when you come up and try to introduce yourself.

      Fuck women, they are pieces of shit. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you get laid. As long as your a nice guy, you'll be ignored and alone forever.

      The stupid-ass women commenting are lying, trying to say you are just 'stereotyping'. Uh, no. Us nice guys have a life-times experience of being rejected by you pieces of garbage because we're too 'nice'. Fuck you.

      Delete
  13. Here is a wonderful quote that I have heard, and said, multiple times in response the the typical question of where all the nice guys are at: "They're in the fucking friend-zone where you left them."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly....but even that is being optimistic. Normally a nice guy is treated like shit by women and doesn't even make it into her 'friendzone'.

      A woman's entire life in a nutshell: date assholes and make nice guys pay for it. Date assholes and make nice guys put up with your shit, bad attitude, and support the three kids you have from three different asshole dads.

      Delete
  14. The most honest quote I've ever heard.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh dear such stereotypes...I'm beautiful..and very smart..if a man disrespects me he can fuck off so I can move on..I demand respect..I have never had a problem finding a clever witty man and also respect..I hate stereotypes..so boring..stop being weak..I'm not even close to weak..men want a woman like me one who respects herself and demands respect..I would never put up with this shit you're talking about...someone treating me badly.. I don't even understand how these comments can be real..women want men that are assholes? are u kidding me? maybe the stupid ones do..not women like me that are worth getting and keeping..so tedious to even read this..wake the hell up people

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea they just want u for your looks nothing else thats the only power u got besides being arrogant but hey whatever works for you

      Delete
    2. Like all women, she is LYING. That's step #2 to becoming an asshole and getting laid on a regular basis.. They are ALL lying. They say they want a nice guy, but spend their whole life rejecting nice guys and dating assholes.

      The proof is in the puding. Women say we are 'stereotyping'. Bullshit, us nice guys see all the women reject us and go after assholes OVER AND OVER again. They are all lying.

      Delete
    3. If you get laid so much Pauly, why do you have so much free time to comment on here's, and if you hate women so mucho, why don't you go suck some guy's dick?

      Delete
  16. To the girl who commented last, coming from the "nice guy". I don't think us nice guys want a girl like you, your not the "nice girl" that goes for the assholes. Your more like the assholes that the "nice girls" are going for. Just my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm an asshole, who does get laid, go figure???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course you do.....a full fledged asshole will have women breaking into their home to have sex with them.

      Delete
  18. Women like assholes because they feel like they have more confidence but mostly because their good looking and that's all that really matters in their eyes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, assholes get laid not matter what they look like, dear. That's why ugly-ass mafia guys have beautiful women around them all the time....being an asshole unlocks almost any women's panties in a heartbeat. It doesn't matter what you look like at all. It's all about being an asshole and being extremely confident.

      Delete
  19. ... This is why I don't care about guys. I respect them as people, but not as romantic partners. Mainly because I don't understand this in the slightest. I'm a woman and I still can't explain why so many people fall for the biggest douchebags. It really all chalks down to the issue with self-confidence these days on both ends of the spectrum, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, because you date assholes your entire life dear, while ignoring the sea of wonderful, nice men out there.

      Another female who is lying her ass off and completely full of shit.

      There are tons of us nice guys out there, but you ignore us for your entire life. Why? Because you will only pursue the guys who treat you like shit. Period.

      Delete
  20. This is all so stupid. Not all girls are idiotic bitches, not all guys are assholes. Not all girls go for the assholes. I'm a girl and I'm not stupid enough to do that. I've also seen my fair share of assholes, yet I don't think ALL guys are like that. I would only go for a dumb bitch if I had no other options. Otherwise, I'll probably just stay single, not because I can't get dumb fucks, but because I'm not too interested in dating. If I ever want a boyfriend (which I don't, since people my age tend to be not-so-smart...), then I'll go for the nice guys, who are probably in my friendzone or whatever. I won't just go for the guys that look sexy and shit, but are douchebags. I have a brain and I can control myself, even if I'm just a girl, and my gender apparently ALWAYS goes for shitheads. ALWAYS. Also, I'm under 18, yet I still know all of this.

    Seriously, I just lost even more of my faith in humanity when I read this article and the comments. But what else was I expecting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, so did I after reading YOUR post. You prove the whole point even more by your idiotic statements about 'wanting to be single' and dating people in your 'friendzone'.

      Another loser women who is only dating assholes, and then pretending she doesn't want a boyfirend (female lie #3) because at the moment, she's out of assholes. If she wanted a nice guy, she would be with one. But like all women, she's lying her ass off and is single because she only dates assholes who end up leaving her.

      Women are ALL the same. It's men who lose their faith in humanity once they start dating the worthless female gender, not the other way around. Men are amazing people who care for others and are full of virtue and morality....women are pieces of garbage, always have been, and probably always will be. Men want to care for a women, women only care about what they can steal from a man. Period.

      Asshole = man who gets laid.
      Nice guy = man who gets his money stolen over and over by women

      Delete
  21. Rule #1 - Everything a women does is to get a man's (especially an asshole's) attention.

    Rule #2 - Women LOVE assholes and will go to the ends of the earth to get their attention. Getting an asshole's attention is a thousand times more satisfying than any type of masturbation. Period.

    Rule #3: Women want a challenge. If she can easily have you, you are worthless to her. It doesn't matter how great a person you are, if she can easily have you, she will lose interest fast. The ONLY exception is if you are extremely rich.

    Rule #4: She lies all day long about the first three rules, even though they are 100% true.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Rule #5: ALL women are whores. You think just because you're married to her she's going to stop being a whore? Think again. That's why she wants to have a 'girls night out'. She a fucking whore, and wants to try whoring herself out repeatedly even though she pretends to be 'married' to you.

    Only men are faithful. All women are whores.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Eliminate all women from the earth: Men have to jack-off for sex, but everything keeps going because 99.99% of everything runs because of the back-breaking labor of men. Men will quickly find a way to have children based on sperm without a female.

    Eliminate all men from the earth: ALL women die off in two weeks. They have no fucking clue how anything works, how to fix anything, and women hate each other (and themselves) far more than they hate men. They will die from incompetence, and the rest will kill each other off out of hatred.

    ReplyDelete
  24. In the words of the most wise women I've ever heard; "I love being a woman, because I get to date men. If I was a man and had to date women, I would kill myself" - Why? She goes on to say that all her female friends spend their lives trying to manipulate men with sex in order to get their money. They are complete scum-bags.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Remember.....this isn't at all what us nice guys want. We want to treat women with respect and find a wonderful women to have a great relationship with.

    Unfortunately, after spending our lives watching women reject us and go for assholes, we wake up and realize what women are really after.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ray rice.....women will stay with a man whose physically violent forever. Meanwhile, she will reject ANY nice guy who tries to talk to her.

    Female insanity strikes again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another perfect example: Charles...fucking...Manson! An 80 year old murderer, ring-leader, whatever you want to call him. He was the reason for those murders that took place and yet he's getting a marriage license with a stupid 26 year old woman! He's not the first murderer to have women after him(Hitler, Ted Bundy, etc.) and won't be the last. Look up Hybristophilia and that pretty much describes what women go for nowadays. Look at Bill Gates, who looks like your stereotypical "Good guy". Took him making amazing contributions to the Internet in the 70s-90s in order to finally get married in 1994. Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook and didn't get married until 2012. It goes without saying that they didn't have as much female attention until they started making real money. The murderers, had multiple women wanting them regardless of the disgusting acts that they committed. As a (former) nice guy starting to see the truth, I find it disgusting that in order to have any female attention, you have to either make bookoo bucks as a "nice/good guy" or just outright treat women like crap. But the truth has to be revealed sometime and hopefully this helps other guys learn.

      Delete
  27. Ok to an extent i agree and disagree with this.. Part of me wants to think the easy thing n say yea all women are the fucking same but at the same time its hypocritical to say o us guys are not all the same.. Its a vicious fucked up guilt ridden screwed the pooch cycle no matter what way the hookers ass swings.. Lol does it matter who gets what? Shit happens n its a fact that it does.. Yea great they do what they do n i say if ur a nuce guy n thats what u notice then i say if u cant beat em join em.. N its true.. Being an asshole can be fun.. Making em work for it cuz be fun to cuz hey i aint no easy charlie.. I aint afraid to tell u that u look like a fat cow in those jeans lol i mean whats the worst that could happen right? Im whats known as a complete asshole n i dont do it for women or that twat waffle ala moe down thier jean splits.. I do it cuz its funny to watch them "try" to hit the ball back on the court.. Dude they suck bad at it.. The quickest way to tell if she is for real or just a sleazy ho is to be an asshole.. Hate to say it its the only 100% workable filter that really does work.. I say this cuz i honestly dont give two flying fucks what they think.. I aint their butler or thier bridge over the puddle.. Its called if they want the goods then they better work for it.. U cant just give n give n give.. Cuz all that happens is theyll take then move on.. One does open a restaurant n give shit away.. Theyd never make money n theyd go out of business quick.. Its the same with women.. U gotta sometimes see what theyre made of n if theyre in it for real.. Ya also wanna make sure that girl isnt some headcase or a gold digger.. U always gotta check if its real gold or just rocks my prospecting friends when u go panning... N if being an asshole isnt ur cup of tea then do this one simple thing.. Raise the damn bar n dont let em gain so easy.. Aint nothing wrong with gettin thier lazy fat asses to get the fuck off the potato sack n go for it cuz i swear to fuck if u cant get em to want u n i mean really judo kick ur grandma to get with you lol then u need to kick up the pace n play it harder.. Make it harder..

    ReplyDelete